The Sin Called "Demandingness"

"So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak." (Genesis 32:24).

Jacob is probably one of the clearest Biblical illustrations of a demanding spirit. He insisted on having his father's blessing for himself and took advantage of his brother's hunger, buying his birthright for a plate of stew. Later, Jacob, went through a kind of conversion, making God his God and giving him a tenth, but deep in his heart there was still the spirit of demandingness.

It shows itself again at Paddan Aram, where he worked out a scheme to make himself rich at his father-in-law's expense (Genesis 30:40-43). He was still Jacob, though he talked about himself in terms of honesty. "My honesty will testify for me in the future." (Genesis 30:33); but it was nothing more than above-the-water-line honesty. His mind was changed, not his heart.

Demandingness is insisting that our interest be served irrespective of others. We demand that people treat us the way we believe they should. We demand that people support us in time of trouble. We demand that no one comes close to hurting us. Wedged tightly in the recesses of our heart is this ugly splinter, which if not removed, will produce a poison that will infect every part of our life (Psalm 7:1-7).

Let there be no mistaking, if we are to pursue God wholeheartedly, then the spirit of demandingness , which resides in every human heart must be identified and removed. So Jacob was pursued by the love of God, like the Hound of Heaven down the years, awaiting the hour when he would be ready to admit that he was beaten. A man wrestled with him until Jacob's strength was diminished, at which point He asked him, "What is your name?" (Hosea 12:3-6).

Jacob, after a tremendous struggle, made a crucial confession. "My name is Jacob -- the Supplanter" he sobbed. The depths were uncovered, Jacob's heart was naked before God. The real problem was identified.

If you have not reached this place in your spiritual experience, then I suggest you stop everything and tell God your name. You might have to confess: "My name is Demandingness; I insist on having my own way in everything." . The saying of the old name is a confession, a catharsis. When Jacob said his name, the angel said: "Your name will no longer be Jacob but Israel -- a Striver with God" (Genesis 32:28).

Demandingness manifests itself when we insist that God answer our prayers in the way we think He should. Our faith in God must be based on unconditional confidence in His character and sovereign purposes, rather than in the hope that He will relieve us of pain and suffering in the way that we think is best (Hebrews 11:1).

There is a world of difference between "praying in faith" and "demandingness". When we "pray in faith" we have the assurance in our hearts that God wants to bring about a certain purpose for His own glory. Demandingness insists on getting the answers that are in accord with its own desires rather than God's purposes. It is an attempt to bring God in line with our will rather than bringing our will in line with His will.

Deep hurt is a most suitable environment in which to nourish a demanding spirit. Nothing convinces us more that God must answer our prayers in that way that we think He should, then when we are experiencing continued heartache. The line between legitimate desiring and illegitimate demanding is a thin one, which is easily crossed. How can we be sure our desiring does not turn to demanding? When we are willing to say, "if God does not grant what I desire, then I can still go on because I know that He will never abandon me, and in His love I have all the strength I need, to handle whatever comes" (Daniel 3:8-30).

To be cured of the sin of Demandingness we need to return to the Lord our God. The pursuit of God involves a shift away from dependence on one's own resources to dependence on God. Obedience is extremely important, but it must be accompanied by deep heart repentance. The reason for our repentance must be clearly articulated in words. If we can't, then how do we know what we are repenting from inside of us (Micah 7:8-10)?

Repentance puts us in touch with God's forgiveness. We can work to bring about change also, but the greatest catalyst for change is humbly positioning ourselves before God and asking for His forgiveness (Hosea 14:1-4).

Written by Dr. T. Cyprian Kia on the 15th day of October, 2000 at the Makurdi Plaza Hotel, Benue State, Nigeria

PrayerLetter-Nov 1999

Dear Praying Partners,

E.M. Bounds has said: "The Church upon its knees would bring heaven upon the earth."

Our God is a prayer-hearing and a prayer-answering God. It is His Nature. David said: "The Lord has heard my supplication" (Psalm 6:9), and Jeremiah gives us the words of God Himself Who says: "Call to Me, and I will answer you" (Jeremiah 33:3). Is it any wonder then that the missionary letters we read are full of phrases like these: Please pray for us...We covet your prayers...Your prayers are urgently needed...Continue to pray...Because you prayed...Thank you for praying? We do thank you for your faithful prayers and support.

Cyprian continues a steady round of workshops and seminars and preaching. In Ghana the search for a place of worship for the young assembly is not yet successful. Keep praying. The Land Rover has been cleared but, because Cyprian has been in Ghana and communication is difficult, we have not heard its exact location. Keep praying. We thank the Lord that the container of Bibles is safely in.

At Makurdi Sule Moses took him to the prisons where a wide door has now opened for the Emmaus courses. A number of prisoners have given their lives to Christ as they studied the courses. While speaking at a service in Makurdi, a pastor testified that he had been saved at the CMML secondary school when Cyprian preached there in the late '80s. This is another encouragement from the Lord.

In Nigeria Cyprian is on the battlefield. He is very much aware of Satan's opposition and very much in need of your upholding prayer. Pray that he will have wisdom, discernment, health, safety and protection, and boldness to speak the Word of God. As he receives strength and encouragement from the Lord, we know victory is sure. But we all need to be backing him in prayer.

Because you are praying,
Cyprian and Joy

PrayerLetter-Apr 1999

Dear family and friends,


Greetings to each of you in the name of the Lord. It has been a long time since we have written, and Cyprian has returned to Nigeria/Ghana since the end of February. Join us please in praise and prayer as we give the following report.

Our recent trip to Canada and Indiana was wonderful, and we were blessed as we shared about what the Lord is doing in Nigeria and Ghana. We will not forget the wonderful times visiting family and old friends and being encouraged as we met so many saints who are faithful prayer warriors.

Since the first day of his arrival on March 1st Cyprian was busy with meetings, taking stock, workshops, and speaking engagements. The Lagos area coordination of the Emmaus courses has been exemplary. From March 2nd to the 4th, at their request, Cyprian had a workshop for new active correctors that were raised during the last quarter of 1998 and who are now ready with their own students enrolled under them. The Lagos area has also taken on the responsibility of raising an effective area coordination in Ibadan, the ancient city of the Yoruba's. Here there are about twenty students under a new corrector who was also raised during the last quarter of 1998.

On March 6th and 7th a workshop was held in Ankpa at the College of Education for the professors and instructors who are correctors. The meeting turned out to be a time of questions and answers, exhortation, and prayer. The result is that Cyprian was asked to revisit on the 4th of April.

He was in Makurdi, March 8th to 10th, raising awareness in the churches about the Emmaus courses and its current method of distribution and uses. On the 13th they held a workshop at Otukpo; many attended but seemed to lack focus. A special motivational meeting was held March 17th to 20th with correctors who now have more than 15 active students who have studied not less than eight courses. In these meetings the role of a coordinator, the challenges and benefits are discussed in full. Leadership and organizational skills were carefully presented to them, particularly its application to the Emmaus distribution network. The testimony given is that the skills are helpful for those in various positions of authority at work. In other words, association with the Emmaus project has proved to be relevant to their daily lives in this manner also.

On the 20th he left for Ghana and went to Kumasi to be with the Bowrons and the assembly that meets at their home. Cyprian held gospel meetings in the evenings, workshops, and counseling in the day time, and corrected courses with one-on-one discipleship. This work has grown and over nine benches have been made to ease the seating arrangement. Mike and Elaine will be returning for good to Canada in May, and the work there will be on its own, so to speak, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Please pray that that work will continue to flourish and that those left behind will be faithful.

Cyprian will be in Ghana again on 21st of April, where he will be joined by Jim Gillett (Ireland) and Hans Schieb (of Germany) for a few weeks of ministry. We cannot say how much we value your prayers for boldness, wisdom, energy and safety during this heavy schedule. As we see what the Lord is doing, we realize that we cannot focus our eyes on other humans but on the Lord of the whole earth, for when we "measure ourselves by ourselves and compare ourselves with ourselves, we are without understanding" (2 Corinthians 10:12). He is LORD. Prayer brings Him into ordinary situations and makes them extraordinary. Brethren, pray for us, as we pray for you, that we will resist the temptation to look at the little events in our lives as ordinary and recognize the sovereign purpose God is working out in our lives.

Praising our God,
Cyprian and Joy

PrayerLetter-Sep/Oct 1998

Dear Friends and Family,


Christian missions should never be a cover for fleecing the believers or perfecting the act of taking. Missions is God's continuous act of giving. We need to remind ourselves that it is easier for a giver to learn to take than for a taker to learn to give. Hence, it is written: "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Luke 29:7). It stands to reason that missionaries should be in the forefront of encouraging believers to walk with God through giving rather than teaching them to take.

Between January and May the Nigerian political situation was marked by uncertainty and hatred, overshadowed with the possibility of civil war. Traveling to certain places in the country was life-threatening. The death of two major players and the distancing of the current head of State from the posture of the past have greatly calmed things down. Pray for lasting political peace in Nigeria.

In spite of the unstable political atmosphere, two workshops were held in Surulere on the 6th and 13th of June. As a result, we now have added twenty-five to the steadily growing number of active correctors. At Otukpo, fifteen completed their courses, graduated, and were fully trained as correctors in June as well. Among the new correctors are the Anglican bishop of the Otukpo diocese and his leading priest, a doctoral candidate at Ahmadu Bello University. They are both being discipled by one of their lay members, Dr. George Ukwunam, an eye specialist.

Dr. George Ukwunam is also the Emmaus Bible Center coordinating secretary. Consequently, when the bishop requested that the twelve course module be used in training all his priests, it was granted. George was asked to lead the training program which kicked off August 1, 1998 The bishop said that this will be a continues education requirement for all his priests in good standing. He also said that from what he has gained by studying the courses himself, they will help ground his priests in the faith and steady their feet on the person of Christ and His Word. Free literature was thereafter donated to the bishop for all his priests; each received a Bible, tracts, and a copy of Biblical Eldership. Pray that the messages in all these will be transformed into thoughts and actions in them.

Mrs. Susan Tom Aba, the librarian at the University of Agriculture in Makurdi, who was among the correctors trained at Otukpo, now coordinates the center at the north bank of Makurdi. It is at this school that 15 boxes of Bibles, each containing 24, were donated to the Christian Fellowship on the campus. The Emmaus courses are truly making a difference in the life and spiritual growth of the believers in Nigeria and Ghana. It is not the method of operation that is effecting them; it is the Word of God, which the courses rightly emphasize.

Testimonies from correctors abound, and we include these : "Many are being grounded in the faith than (ever) before" Lankine-Lante, Accra. "Yes, several have been saved. Many have come to realize that salvation is not through works and have put their faith in Christ alone to save them" Elaine Bowron, Kumasi. "My vision is to expand the courses ... so that I might win more souls to Christ" Ofori Agyemen, Kumasi.

The Emmaus road experience placed an emphasis on the Word and understanding of the Scriptures (Luke 24:13-45). The Bible courses are written with the above emphasis; therefore, any other is simply a distraction. Pray that everyone involved in directing the current Emmaus project in Nigeria and Ghana will be faithful and true to the objectives of evangelism and discipleship and allow people to walk with God.

Our love to you all,
Cyprian and Joy